Hopefully, I'm working on recovering from this...but I know I've had this going for a long time, so we will see how long it takes God to make the changes needed in me. He's got my whole life.
I always knew I was a perfectionist in school. I wanted perfect grades....and that one B on my high school transcript still bugs me. It was then that I learned not to risk. I got the B in Jr. AP English (yes, I did go on to get an English Degree in college). At my school, grades weren't weighted, so I chose a much less challenging English class as a senior, so that I would get the A. Why risk getting another B. Its easy to explain it away to scholarships....which did supply almost all the money for school. But I didn't like to fail....and in high school a B was failure to me.
Fast forward....I didn't set lofty goals for myself in college....but I had to keep my grades up to keep my scholarships, so I did well, but let go of perfection in this area...for now...
If you would have asked me just a few months ago, i would have told you that I'm definitely not a perfectionist at home. My house is messy and never ready for company. I am now realizing that somewhere down deep, I figured that if I didn't have the time and energy to do it right, that I just wouldn't bother. If I couldn't have it all perfectly clean all the time, why try? Flylady has a saying that is starting to resonate with me "housework done incorrectly still blesses your family" Wow...so a quick sweep or swipe that doesn't hit every corner is better than nothing. I don't have to wait until I have time to scrub the kitchen floor on hands on knees to clean it.
Now that I am teaching, I see my perfectionism in "school" coming back. At the end of a 3 hour session, these people get to rate me. And it isn't always pretty. i've gotten some mean comments. And I've gotten some that are probably accurate, but not very fun. I have spent way too much time thinking about what these people have said. I do need to improve, and I do want to work to do it. But I'm never going to please all these people, so its time to let go of that.
The biggest conviction I've felt in this area though, comes to risk in relationships. If I can't spend all kinds of time with my neighbors or if I feel like a student will think I'm dumb, I'm less likely to try. God wants me to get started, do what I can and not expect perfection as I try to reach out to people. Just 5 minutes listening to a neighbor's frustration is better than nothing...even if its not offering to bring her a meal or watch her kids for her. And sitting down by a student is worth it, even if she does get up and leave. The effort I made to honor God through building relationships is not failure.