500

This post is my 500th post. I started this blog in August of 2005. At the time I had a newborn and a 2 year old. Here it is January of 2011....I have a 5 and a 7 year old. Big changes!

I used to post more often with strange little bits in between my longer musings...but now there's facebook. I have been reading old blog posts recently. I like having a window into the past.

My desire going forward is to write more often because I'm thinking more deeply. I want to reflect Christ in all I do and say.

Thanks readers for taking the journey with me.

The Margin

I have a very wise husband. Not only can he help me work through things...when I ask, but keep his mouth shut when I don't...he also words things extremely well.

As I was venting to him awhile back, he said something rather profound to me.

"You live in the margin. Other people have work and so many other things to do, they are trying to find margin for relationships with friends."

This is a kind way of saying I have no life.
And it was...I didn't take offense in any way.
And it was true too.

Right now, I'm living in the margin...my whole page feels like margin, but I do have a few things. Like Directional Team...and being a youth leader...and bookclub...but really, most people are trying to fit these things into the margins of their life. And it's all I've got right now.

I am not a mind reader.

Loneliness. Is it worse to be lonely in a crowd or lonely all by yourself? I posed that to my friends on facebook and got a myriad of answers...all different...all valid. Even my own answer might have changed a little bit since I posed it.

There is a moment...a moment when you want desperately to connect with someone and despite your efforts, they just don't connect with you the way you had hoped. You see, I am not a mind reader. Despite my ideas to the contrary, I don't really know what anyone else is thinking. They might be sad or mad or annoyed or just a little distracted. But I imagine their motives, and I get hurt or sad or just wish for depth that wasn't there. A few of these moments in a given week add up for me.

Loneliness.

It's that time between being with people who I didn't connect with to the depth that I desired and being able to do another task that I think is the loneliest. I just came from the crowd or even just one or two people...and I might be alone...but it's that space of disconnect that overwhelms me. It's a feeling of abandonment, of rejection, of insignificance.

But as I mentioned earlier, I'm not a mind-reader. I am not always good at reading people; I'm insecure often, and together that spells disaster and a loneliness that just may be all in my head. Or my heart.

Christmas Tree

We cut it down in the woods
We put it up in our home
There it stood unencumbered
Just a tree, evergreen

We covered it with precious memories
with ornaments and with lights
under it we put our treasures
gifts to bring our loved ones joy

During many celebrations
It stood among us, tall and proud
we enjoyed all of the memories
the adornment and the light

But the time came, and it stands naked

all alone, adornment gone

do not forget its truest beauty

again a tree, still glorious

MM

Unveiled Faces

2 Corinthians 3:18

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.



I love this verse. It is the verse I chose to memorize first this year. I know what it says to me, but I'm being careful to study some more and make sure that what I am thinking lines up with what scripture really says. I see boldness, I see transformation, I see my life becoming more glorious because of who God is.

I want to be bold...I don't want to hide what God is doing with a veil. It's easy to do that...easy to veil the transformation, so that people don't get scared. There will be people who liked me how I was...who aren't comfortable with the changing me. But if the changing makes me more like Jesus then I want to go ahead fully with my face unveiled.