R+T=TLF

I always think of Robb & Tricia at Christmas.

It was in Sunday School class close to Christmas one year, and people were sharing their favorite Christmas tradition. And Tricia shared her favorite tradition. And we all giggled nervously. It was a good tradition, but we didn't know really how to react. Over the years, I realized that her honest lovestruck response was the only one that stuck with me from that conversation. And even after we all had kids and the traditions had to change somewhat, I remembered that. I always think of them with a smile on Christmas.

Coffee or in my case hot chocolate and a conversation with a friend...Barnes & Noble Starbucks...and I saw Tricia out of the corner of my eye. I am not there often, but I've seen her there more consistently than anyone else. She is a writer...so what better place to run into a friend who writes? I just smiled and said hi. I was in the midst of the conversation I was having.

Was it the 22nd or the 23rd? I woke up thinking of Robb & Tricia...and their tradition. Christmas is around the corner... It made me smile, and I've been a bit melancholy this Christmas time, so it was nice to smile for a minute. I'm still not sure why I've been down...was it the changes at elevation? Was it that a friend made other plans when I opened my heart and invited her to share Christmas with us? Probably both...plus my own brokenness.

And when I saw it posted on facebook, that Robb had died in Tricia's arms...that he was in heaven holding the two little ones they had lost early, and she was here with two precious preschool boys...then the shock and the sadness hit. It doesn't matter that I haven't seen them much in 5 years. It doesn't matter that I didn't know him all that well. What I did know was that he was an amazing husband and dad...but now he was looking in Jesus face. And really, Tricia hasn't left my mind for more than a few minutes since the 23rd. Praying, thinking, letting the melacholy have full sway at times, praying for her & those boys.

And I will always think of Robb & Tricia at Christmas.

Christmas Balance

I noticed this morning as we were getting ready for school that the Christmas tree was leaning. Not good! So, I decided to try to adjust it. Also not good! Pretty soon, I was the one holding the Christmas tree up. Some the lights started to come off...and some ornaments fell. Nothing broke, but I started to get scared.

And that's how I feel about Christmas sometimes.

I feel like I'm holding up the tree. I'm the one who is making sure our memories don't fall and that our traditions don't break. I'm the one who has to make Christmas happen. But guess what...Christmas happened just fine without me over 2000 years ago...and God didn't need my help to manage to send His son to earth as a gift to all mankind.

So, I called for help! I had Trina dial and Roger came running home to rescue me. And as I steadied the tree, he turned it a little and then inserted the 3 pins that hold it up. Like the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, these pins unseen to most eyes held the tree in place. I let go! And the tree kept standing.

Dear Josh,

I started praying for you before you got hired in Denver. And despite my misgivings, I'm glad you traded Cutler. I was fine to see Marshall go, and Sheffler didn't break my heart. And you drafted Tebow! And Zane! And I really trusted you with my team...and I still would if they hadn't fired you today. My only complaint was when you traded Hillis away... It has been a rotten season; we both know it. But you have a new baby girl, and I was looking forward to things coming together next season for the Broncos and for you.

I feel a lot of anger against all the haters....all the people who are glad you are gone. They never cared about the character of the team you were building...how I could finally consider buying a calendar for my kids that would have men of integrity and high morals. These people just don't seem right to me. Hating on you...it just isn't classy. And now they rejoice that you've lost your job. Please know, there are some of us who really do wish you well. Some of us who expect that you'll end up being successful elsewhere. Some of us who will wear a Broncos hoodie and wish it had been different.

Dear Josh...may God bless you more than Denver, this city that I love, did. All the best! MM

Saying Goodbye

When I was in elementary school we made a Christmas ornament every year in school. Yes, I went to a public school...and yes, it was legal and acceptable for us to make an ornament for our Christmas tree. It's not like these pointed to Jesus...but they were pretty cool crafts.

And I kept my ornaments in a Winnie the Pooh shoe box. And I loved them dearly.

I put them up every year with reverence and joy. And even after Rog & I got married, they were a part of my tree. But over time, there has been less room on the tree for them. Finally, with new ornaments for my kids added each year...my box stayed closed.

I had grand hopes. I was going to find a generic Christmas quilt and put my special ornaments on display. Year after year I planned this quilt in my head.

This year, with our much taller tree, I opened the box. And as I looked at my ornaments, I realized that some of them just didn't make the journey to the tree as well as they had in my heart. And so I knew it was time to say goodbye.

And I cried. Cried for my childhood friends who were now leaving. Cried for the times I lovingly put them on the tree and for the times I would no longer have them to remember. I took their picture and let them go with many tears.

Goodbye my friends! I wish Christmas felt the same as it did back when I made you. I pray that the wonder I felt then would be found in that Winnie the Pooh shoe box when I open it again next year.

response

Reason 1 why Facebook gets more attention than my blog.
People actually respond on facebook.
Last time anyone commented on my blog was on July 16 when an anonymous writer scolded me for killing a spider.
Because as much as I could say that my blog is for me...I'd be lying. I write for people. I write hoping that I'm communicating with someone.
Facebook...much of it is inane, boring, unimportant...but at least people will comment. At the very least they "like" a comment, so you know you've been heard.

This is very sad to me. My blog actually pushes me to think more deeply and care about more than just a sound bite. But without a participatory audience, I just feel lonely.

And the only way you build an audience is by writing. But without an audience, it's hard to be motivated to write. Maybe that's why I'm not a "real" writer...cause I don't just write for myself.
But do I really want my blog out there for all my fb friends to read? I could publish the address...but for some reason I've kept it more private. I mean, it's on the internet, so it's not really private, but it doesn't even have my real name on it.

OK...enough talking to myself...back to facebook. :P