Fugitive

Human relationships have their ups and downs. They are close and then they seem distant and then close again. Our relationships with God also are like this because we are human. He isn't...He is perfect and never distances himself from us.

Sometimes I feel like a runaway bride. When Christ takes me deeper...lets me hear His Spirit more fully...woos me...I Love it. And then I run the other way. Not deep into sin although I know sin is something that often distracts me. Not away from my faith completely. But in fear of this closeness that I long for.

I know that I long for this closeness because I pursue it in other relationships and affections. Instead of going to the One who can bring it, I lose myself in the world of a book or in a TV show or in the friends I'm chasing. And I know none of these can fill me. If you have read my blog, you know that this is a constant battle. Sorry to be a broken record here...but I'm still working on it.

God promises in the often quoted and so ignored in my head verse Jeremiah 29:11. God's plan for me is good...to prosper me and not to harm me. So, why is it sooooo hard to let go of control? Why is it so hard to dream? Why is it so hard dive into that deep relationship with God?

He keeps pursuing me. Running will just cause more stress. Why do I keep running?


I'm a fugitive
Running from the life that I was meant to live
(from Stolen by Brandon Heath)
((and yes you should listen to the whole song))