Monday, January 18, 2010

Uninhibited, Broken, and ready to DANCE!

When I was in Jr. High, going to the school dance was quite an experience. I remember getting ready--being nervous that no one would ask me to dance or that someone WOULD ask me. And I felt worried about getting out on the dance floor during the fast songs. But still I went. Not sure at the time what compelled me. Maybe the crush on had on a cute boy or just my desire not to miss out on something.

One night my friend Tracie brought me out on the dance floor during a fast song and explained to me that I just needed to be confident, move, and enjoy myself. I was nervous at first, but she convinced me to try it. And I was surprised that I was having fun. And I stopped worrying about how I looked or if people thought I was strange.

I enjoyed the dances in high school and the couple I went to in college. But then my natural venue for dancing was gone.

So, why now do I have this great desire to dance?

When I was in China, we had a dance one night. Out in the courtyard, in the heat, we taught our students the Macarena. How that night makes me smile. We danced to a lot of music I knew...including some classic Michael Jackson. And somewhere in the the middle of that, I found that love to dance again: to move, to feel the music, to forget myself.

I remember asking some of the members of my team why they weren't out dancing. "some of us are just not as uninhibited as others" Uninhibited! Wow, I never, ever thought that word would apply to me.

Fast forward to today. One of my favorite Christmas presents was Church Music by the David Crowder*Band. And I've been listening to it a lot. The song Church Music (dance!)

has shed some light on my feelings lately. It's my own brokenness that frees me of the pride that keeps me still. I want to be ready to let go of the "what will people think" mentality. I am broken inside, and I'm not going to pretend I have it all together on the outside. I'm just going to dance!


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