Monday, April 23, 2012


I breathed in, and the scent that met me was warm and comforting. My eyes were closed, but I could still picture the long hallway I’d just walked down with its marble pillars. As my cheek rested on his knees I felt the anguish and the struggle melt away, all those years of searching and I was back home.

Empty-handed. That’s what I’d felt as my exhaustion carried me back to Abba. But somehow the look in his eyes…the way they lit up as I came into view…drove that hopeless feeling away. The immediacy of His presence filled me. The smell of Him was so near and the gentleness of his hands stroking my hair brought me more peace than I’d known anywhere on the journey.

The journey had been arduous. I had looked for a love that would fill me. I had found countless loves of different shapes and sizes: some strong and intense, others enduring and gentle, but none could meet the need I felt. I had looked for a way to make Abba proud with my work for Him in those years of wandering. It hadn’t been enough to satisfy me. Finally I had given up and headed home.

Only now did I realize it; the words of the song came back to me again.

Come to the water’s edge
I rest in Your promises
That all You ever wanted was me here
And if there’s nothing more that I can do
To earn the love I need from You
Than all I’ve left to want is to be near*

Finally, I was near. I had nothing to prove to Him, and I had nothing to give but only me. That everything about Him would change me…even His scent would infuse me, and nothing I ever did or felt or wanted made Abba love me more than He did right now, as He stroked my hair.



*Come Rest by Lindsay McCaul


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