Wednesday, September 26, 2007

ID crisis

I guess I'm having an identity crisis of sorts. What's my face shape and which hair cut should I get? What's my body type, so I can dress in a more flattering way. Should I go back to wearing some make up? And why am I all of a sudden ready for a make-over?

One thing I seem to be lacking is confidence. And confidence would be really helpful to me in my job because people don’t listen to you if they doubt you know what you are talking about. Well, I feel good about my knowledge…I'm growing in it. I'm not perfect, but I really do know what I'm talking about or else I am clear that I don't have enough background in a particular topic. Is confidence something I can manufacture?

Now recently I've been reading about how great I will feel if I look good. So, how much of this buys into the popular culture? When I look nice, I do feel good. I don't think that's wrong, but is that really going to help my confidence level? God's view of me certainly hasn't changed because of my clothes or my hair. Why should that help me?

I have always been someone who cares more about character than style or outward appearance. I tend to notice a person’s face…I'll catch new glasses and sometimes haircuts before other folks. I don't tend to notice their clothes, body type, or shoes. Besides that being biblical, as far as I can remember, I am just more drawn to good character. Even the boys I had crushes on in Jr. High weren't just good looking. They were smart (even then I was searching for a geek!), leaders and often believers . I haven't changed how I look at others, so why I have I changed how I look at myself?

So, what gives? Am I old enough to have a mid-life crisis? Or have I just been so consumed with the care and feeding of my family for the last 4 years, that suddenly I realize I've neglected myself? Am I a hypocrite for changing from someone not focused on the outward to someone who really wants to change the outward? Will a makeover really solve this?



At 8:48 PM, Blogger DenverSop said...

Hi Melli,

Gosh, I know what you mean. I go through spurts of wanting new clothes or a new haircut just to make me feel better about myself. It almost always coincides with when I am starting to lose confidence in myself as a wife, singer and teacher. I think it's more a symptom than a sin. I think it goes along with caring too much what other people think of me.

Will a makeover solve it? No. Will it make you feel better? Probably in the same way chocolate fixes things. :-) Sometimes a little change lifts the spirits for awhile - be it a makeover or a new "toy" - just something novel to help get the mind out of the rut. The makeover works best if you work it into a social event with your best friend.

In the end, I always gravitate back to my own sense of style and low-maintenance hair. I guess God starts taking care of the confidence issues once I recognize and acknowledge them and hand them over to Him. Satan's a real bore, though - he keeps playing the same cards.

At 9:04 AM, Blogger Sherrie said...

An experience, set of thoughts, and ponderings perhaps not common to all humans, but certainly to all women!

This is the type of situation that i love to use "projection" to sort through... Do you know projection? It is when you take your own situation and project it on your best friend / somebody you love deeply. What if they were asking you these questions? Really. And then, prayerfully what guidance would you give them?

I love projection because it helps us find the direction that best fits with who we are individually and who God designed us to be... The guidance you would provide to someone you love and cherish in such a situation is probably the "purest" insight into what YOUR true values and beliefs on the matter would be. And thus, whatever you'd counsel your best buddy would probably be the path you will want to take yourself :)


At 12:57 PM, Blogger Mellifluous said...

Thanks for your insights, friends! You both shared something helpful. :)


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