Wednesday, September 06, 2006

First Day...

jitters. Funny that I get this more now as an adult than I did as a kid. Today was the first day in my Bible Study. Last year I was a leader, and I loved it, but this year I decided that I better take a break because of some new responsibilities I have. So, I show up...say a few "hi"s and sit down alone. I see a few friends, but they don't sit with me...and then I wonder...have I isolated myself? I had seen a few ladies that I know who go to another church. I said "hi" to them too, but was a little preoccupied, so then I wonder if they think I was cold? I enjoyed seeing them, but I wasn't sure where even to start a conversation. I go to my small group, and of course I know no one...but then a lady who was a mentor mom to me in MOPS comes, so I see at least one familiar face.

I see things from such a human perspective, and I really need to look at God's perspective. I remember being in a study and not thinking I'd like my leader, but ending up really liking her. So, this year I like my leader, but I wonder if I'll like these ladies. Its silly really! They are either believers or sojourners, and whether I like them or not, I know God will teach me through them and hopefully use me to encourage them. I shared that I was really looking forward to being in such a diverse group of women (in age and stage), but later I wondered if I meant it? Was I lying? I've always said this was important, but now I don't know if I feel that way. I went in to the study really hoping to be cared for, but now I wonder if that will happen. *sigh*

In all this, I have to laugh. This is a feeling I've had before. This is not new. Now that I've started, its time to figure out why I'm learn how to apply the Bible to my life in ways I haven't yet.


At 10:35 PM, Blogger DenverSop said...

Yeah, I've felt like that a lot of times, most recently in my new classes where I should have a lot in common with the folks around me. But I also feel it more often than not at MM gatherings. It's rather uncomfortable and makes me wonder what's wrong with me. I always end up guessing that I'm "different" or just socially stunted. The weird thing is that it seems to happen more as I get older, not less.

At 11:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can empathize too. Often when I go to womens gatherings at my church, I sit alone and wait for people to sit by me. That almost never happens and I wonder if people just don't like me. Sometimes I sit by people and try to participate in the conversation but I feel I have nothing in common with them. Mainly I feel this way when I'm feeling lonely and sorry for myself. When I put the focus on others and what I can do for them I feel more part of the group. It sounds like you've already got a good grasp on that though. They're lucky to have you.


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