First Day...
jitters. Funny that I get this more now as an adult than I did as a kid. Today was the first day in my Bible Study. Last year I was a leader, and I loved it, but this year I decided that I better take a break because of some new responsibilities I have. So, I show up...say a few "hi"s and sit down alone. I see a few friends, but they don't sit with me...and then I wonder...have I isolated myself? I had seen a few ladies that I know who go to another church. I said "hi" to them too, but was a little preoccupied, so then I wonder if they think I was cold? I enjoyed seeing them, but I wasn't sure where even to start a conversation. I go to my small group, and of course I know no one...but then a lady who was a mentor mom to me in MOPS comes, so I see at least one familiar face.
I see things from such a human perspective, and I really need to look at God's perspective. I remember being in a study and not thinking I'd like my leader, but ending up really liking her. So, this year I like my leader, but I wonder if I'll like these ladies. Its silly really! They are either believers or sojourners, and whether I like them or not, I know God will teach me through them and hopefully use me to encourage them. I shared that I was really looking forward to being in such a diverse group of women (in age and stage), but later I wondered if I meant it? Was I lying? I've always said this was important, but now I don't know if I feel that way. I went in to the study really hoping to be cared for, but now I wonder if that will happen. *sigh*
In all this, I have to laugh. This is a feeling I've had before. This is not new. Now that I've started, its time to figure out why I'm there...to learn how to apply the Bible to my life in ways I haven't yet.
posted by Mellifluous @ 9/06/2006 02:44:00 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Yeah, I've felt like that a lot of times, most recently in my new classes where I should have a lot in common with the folks around me. But I also feel it more often than not at MM gatherings. It's rather uncomfortable and makes me wonder what's wrong with me. I always end up guessing that I'm "different" or just socially stunted. The weird thing is that it seems to happen more as I get older, not less.
I can empathize too. Often when I go to womens gatherings at my church, I sit alone and wait for people to sit by me. That almost never happens and I wonder if people just don't like me. Sometimes I sit by people and try to participate in the conversation but I feel I have nothing in common with them. Mainly I feel this way when I'm feeling lonely and sorry for myself. When I put the focus on others and what I can do for them I feel more part of the group. It sounds like you've already got a good grasp on that though. They're lucky to have you.
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